[B] Chapter 5

Translator: MysticRain

05

I told Song Yuanxi that I can’t seem to be able to breathe. He didn’t speak nor lookup. He just lowered his head and ate.

I looked at him, but I didn’t felt disappointed. The environment we were in forced each of us to become indifferent and steel. We can’t meddle in other people’s business because even we, ourselves were already covered in mud.

I randomly ate two bites of food, and having no appetite, I stood up and prepared to leave.

There were very few people outside when I came out of the canteen, or to say, very few students, but many teaching assistants.

They kept a tight watch on us as if we would commit any sociopathic behavior at any time, but in fact, it was they who were sociopaths.

I walked back slowly and leisurely alone. In fact, I didn’t know where I should go. At this time, the place called the teaching building was closed. The teaching assistants were not there, so no one would open the door for me. I didn’t want to go back to the dormitory because it was just as depressing.

I slowed down as much as possible and wanted to breathe more air outside.

At this time, a person came to my side.

We were separated by a fist, and he said to me, “It’s all right, don’t be afraid.”

Song Yuanxi looked at me, and then I heard the teaching assistant in the distance shouting at us and asking what we were talking about.

The weather was not good. Dark clouds covered the sky as if there would be heavy rain at any time. But Song Yuanxi was here, and I suddenly seemed not afraid of being wet by the rain.

That afternoon, I was “given special attention” for the first time.

In the past, when we were in school, we all wanted our teacher to give us special attention so we can learn more. But now, the most miserable wretch is the one who was being treated alone.

I have made all the preparations and even thought of the worst-case scenarios. I really wanted to resist, but most of the time we can’t resist this world.

This afternoon was not bad. It was better than every afternoon I spent afterward.

A woman, in her thirties, wore a white coat and glasses, sat opposite me.

She told me what serious disease homosexuality was and how harmful homosexuality will be to society all afternoon.

She told me that we, homosexuals were all put in prison in the past. Now, society was tolerant, and the law doesn’t care about us, but we can’t allow ourselves to degenerate.

I asked her, “Do you have any evidence that homosexuality is a disease?”

She laughed at me: “Look at you, you are very ill, but denying it for fear of treatment.”

Only then did I genuinely understood why some people said that you can’t wake up a person who pretended to sleep. Of course, these people may not pretend to sleep, but they had gone crazy.

Besides telling me this, she even told me how good it was to have sex with a woman. I asked her, “Have you ever had sex with a woman?”

Her face turned very ugly, and she said angrily: “Please respect your therapist.”

I laughed loudly: “You also know what respect is? Then do you respect me? ”

Later, she said something to the walkie-talkie. I didn’t hear it clearly, but after a few minutes, she was in a stable mood and continued to tell me about the love-making between men and women.

She even said to me, “There are many female students in our school. You can try it.”

They were simply committing a crime.

I was mentally abused all afternoon, and I didn’t eat at night. I really had no appetite.

I went back to the dormitory early and found Song Yuanxi was also there.

We looked at each other, and he motioned me to lie back in bed.

I did, and he also went back to the upper bunk.

After a while, a piece of paper fell from the seam of the bed from the other side of the wall, and I quickly grasped the piece of paper in my hand and pretended to prop myself up to make the bed, but was actually looking at the teaching assistants outside.

They strolled back and forth without looking specifically at us.

I lay back down, covered myself with a blanket, and opened the paper.

Song Yuanxi asked me how was this afternoon and if I was all right?

At that moment, I felt like crying.

At that time, when my mother scolded me, and my father beat me, when I was hospitalized for injuries, or when my mother mercilessly abandoned me here, I didn’t want to cry. I was just disappointed and angry. But now, I especially wanted to cry.

I held the paper in my hand against my heart. At that time, I felt that it was probably only Song Yuanxi who understood my fear and pain. We were not only of the same kind but also suffered from the same situation. We were both thrown into the sea, unable to swim, and had no one to rescue us.

I took my notebook and pencil case out from under my pillow and wrote a few words to Song Yuanxi, while nervously guarded the teaching assistants outside.

I folded the paper and waited until the teaching assistants walked to the other side of the corridor before secretly slipped it up from the bed seam.

At noon that day, Song Yuanxi and I communicated in this way until the others came back.

He told me that there was a boy named Jiang Lin in our dormitory, in bed one and who I must be wary of.

After Song Yuanxi told me, I deliberately observed that boy. When he entered the door, he found that both Song Yuanxi and I were there and coldly looked at us.

I didn’t know what Song Yuanxi was doing at that time, maybe pretended to sleep. I was leaning on the blanket to read the code. When Jiang Lin looked at me, I met his gaze.

The feeling I had at the time was that everyone was obviously a victim, but some had fantasies and prayed to Satan to give him some benefits at the expenses of their companions.

They were actually quite stupid because Satan will not spare anyone.